Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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