Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
