these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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