I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
