You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
