There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
