Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
