she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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