I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
