yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
