woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
