It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
