I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
