I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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