I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
