That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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