i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
