Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
