I cockslap morals
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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