Jerry, you need to find god
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
