I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I fill condoms, not promises.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
