I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
