Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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