She said her name was "party"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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