He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
