Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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