before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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