And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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