At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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