Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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