Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
