I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
