We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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