PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
