yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
