I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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