Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
