Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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