walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
