I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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