he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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