and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
