Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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