god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
