I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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