bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
