Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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