I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The best revenge is premature balding
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
