guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
