this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
