Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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