no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
