Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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