You smell like a Billy Joel song
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
